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The Hill Topper 5K is back in a new way

By Carrie Bradshaw

After fielding an inbox of emails from heartbroken runners, the Hill Topper team announced today that the race is back on.

“I was crushed when we had to postpone,” one of the event’s leaders. George Vanderhauf, shared, “and for several nights I couldn’t sleep. Then — in Day 12 of isolation — inspiration hit me.”

It was on that night that the clouds broke, and moonlight hit his clothing-covered Peloton.

“I bought that thing after seeing an ad over the holidays, thinking it would change me; but instead it has changed the 5K!”

As a response to the pandemic, Peloton has started to partner with race events around the country to create a virtual option. The new registration cost of $30 a month includes entry into the Hill Topper 5k — route was recorded last week — as well as other recorded courses, including:

Stages of Gentrification: this course takes you from block to drastically different block. Increasing the resistance also increases the difference in property values.

Bag it!: this course leads you through a minefield of uncollected dog feces along local sidewalks. For an extra challenge, activate “bagging mode” to incorporate reaches and stretches to “grab” items as you pass.

Takeout: this course takes you past several amazing local establishments, where you can practice quickly grabbing your order while staying 6 feet from other runners.

“I believe we can stay connected, even while we are socially distanced”, Vanderhauf said, while navigating unbagged-deposits from his Peleton. “Who needs to be outside to do a 5k!”


Editor’s Note: While this article is a joke, COVID-19 is not. Let’s continue to do our part in looking out for our neighbors, supporting our business, and practicing social distancing. Though there is a stay-at-home order, check out this article if you want to figure out ways to volunteer.

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